Thursday, April 17, 2008

Skull Club Meeting Minutes (4-17-2008)

Meeting called to order at 11 AM at secret Burger King on S. Carrollton.

Present: Lord David the Pirate Artist, Adrastos, Howie Luvzus, some guy we just met who calls himself Blade.
Absent (Unexcused): Chris Owens
Absent (Excused): Elizabeth Swan, Keira Knightley, Anne Bonny, Dido, that hot girl from the Matrix, Arwen the elf, and Padme Amidala.

Action Items:
Amend the Skull Club's constitution to condemn Jack Sparrow as an unauthentic pirate (brought to floor by Lord David). Amendment passed 3-0.

Condemn secret Burger King for being lame, and motion to meet next time at Chris Owens' nightclub. Lord David the Pirate Artist reminded Skull Club members that he lost his fake I.D. at the Rocky Horror Picture Show marathon in Branson Missouri. Motion defeated 0-3.

Howie Luvzus said the skull on the logo looked too depressing and asked that it be replaced with a Baptist crucifixion. Motion failed by a 2-1 vote.

Old Business
Adrastos asked for further clarification on club's motto, "You tell, you die." He asked if he could tell his wife Dr. A. Lord David said no. Howie Luvzus asked if it meant that you died emotionally or if your heart actually stopped beating. Lord David said it meant you really died. Howie renounced his membership at that point and left the secret Burger King, taking what was left of his triple whopper with cheese and ketchup-stained paper crown. Lord David yelled that Howie better not tell anyone about the skull club while making a gesture of running his finger along his throat to simulate decapitation.

Adrastos asked if Lord David the Pirate Artist really invited Arwen, or if he was just "pulling his chain." Lord David said he left a comment on an elf blog he thought was frequented by Arwen.

New Business
There was no new business. Lord David, looking at his Jack Sparrow pocket watch, said he forgot to set the timer on his mom's VCR for MST3K. Adrastos returned to his sad life of selling tiles with pictures of cats.

Meeting adjourned at 11:20 AM


Anonymous said...

I worry for your safety now.

Anonymous said...

Dayam, you are such a wack job.

Lord David said...

Dearest Mikey;

Your mom tells me that you're still struggling with your maps. Now I know why. Carrolton Avenue, indeed.

Yesterday's meeting was actually held at the Rally's, on St. Claude Avenue (they let you stash your gun behind the counter).

And I don't know most of the people you mentioned, except of course, Kiera Knightly, who was, by the way, pulling my "chain" under the table. The elf in question was actually Loki, on laundry day.

As for your bewilderment at our rather catchy motto, I, too, am becoming confused. It seems that you're tattling all over the place, you big girl, you, and the only one about to die is me. Of boredom. This is all so pedestrian.

Please direct all your readers (yes, both of them) to send some of this wasted energy to the Benefit for the Family of Ashley Morris (an ENTERTAINING blogger).
Loki and company still have this in the works, and will be making a schedule announcement any day. Many local artists (myself included) are donating works for the Art Auction, all proceeds to benefit Hana Morris and their three pre-school children. Any and all support will be gratefully accepted.

And if you really feel left out and want to come over and play, Mikey, well, all you have to do is
get in line and wait. We'll call you. Really. Just wait right there.

Lord David
Bored to Tears with
Yet Another Blogger
Using my Fame to Resurrect
A Sagging Career

Anonymous said...

There's a lot more sagging than just his career!

Anonymous said...

I can prolly hook Lord David up with a new fake ID. I've got an "in" wit da college crowd.

Lord David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lord David said...

Poor sad Mikey.
At least some of your little firends have come out to play.

Now you don't have to throw rocks at the people who have lives, just to give meaning to your existence. It's okay that you still live in the garage at your mom's house. Ooops! Sorry. The Man Cave.

I'm sure she'll start making you jelly sandwiches again, as soon as you do some laundry.
It has been a while, hasn't it. Mikey.

As for 'hooking me up' with girls of any kind, while I'm sure you are the expert, I'm doing just fine. Somehow, the Skull Club has culled members in 22 countries, on five continents, all without your special 'Girl Hunter Abilities'.

Or maybe you and your pals should stick to the Fake ID set. We grown-ups are entertaining several hundred people this weekend, and will be busy, all night long, doing many of those things you've seen in the magazines hidden under your bed.

I'm sorry I have to leave you now (like your dad did, cuz you cried so much), but I'm no longer amused by this sophmoric pap.

Please continue to prattle as you see fit, regarding myself, or the Skull Club. It's what usually happens when we reject an application.
Does this whining and jealousy play a part in your expert 'Girl Hunting'? Geez, I hope not.

Remember, stay in school and wash your socks!


Anonymous said...

I.D.? What's an I.D.?

Ohhhh that thing u "citizens" carry 4 the Gestopo. Huh....

What kind of pansy loser goes too a place that ask 4 1 of those???

Mad as a Hatter,


Anonymous said...

This isn't a blog... its a delusional antisocial epithet, laced with foul adolescent fantasies.

Oh, and the chick from the matrix totally wasn't invited to the meeting.

Your F'in Ridiculous!!

~ R.

Anonymous said...

It would seem that a theologian would actually have some beliefs espoused by the document he teaches. Where is the "He who is without sin cast the first Stone" philosophy, sir? Or possibly "Do unto others?" Maybe, "Judge not lest ye be judged" "All men have sinned and fall short the glory of God"

Glad I didn't have a hypocrite teaching my Bible courses in college.

Michael Homan said...

In the spirit of full disclosure, it would be helpful for those of you who are pirate members of the secret pirate skull club to identify yourself when you comment. Oh wait, I forgot, "you tell, you die." Shit. It's so hard to figure out who is a secret pirate of the secret skull club and who is just a regular run of the mill loser.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a member of anything, but I am deeply offended. What the hell is wrong with taping MST3K? You should be beaten senseless.

Michael Homan said...

Dear Rin, sorry you are not a member of anything. I remember when I was not a member of anything. That too made me deeply offended. Have you tried the "Skull Club"? It's sort of secret, but I think you could join if you contact Lord David the Pirate Artist. I too am a big fan of MST3K. They make fun of ridiculous movies, much like the super genius Lord David the Pirate Artist mocks my humble brain. I used to have a weak nemesis named Adrastos. Now I am in way over my head, with Lord David the Pirate Artist. As you no doubt know, I am getting my ass kicked.

Anonymous said...

What!!! bad things u say of MST3K????

U sir a line u have crossed......

damned imbasills reading the 4th or 5th translation of something, that was manipulated by open homosexuals and gleeefull pedofiles for the suppression of the masses and thinking it means somethin.... in the immortal words of Pope Urban the X, or was it IX?, "sex between 2 men is no worse than shaking hands"

And have u ever looked at the art in the vatican??? Would u like too have a painting of a strong muscular grey haired man laying atop a pile of naked young boys painted on ur celing?? Problably u would.

I damn sure know I wouldn't.

Oh ur not a Chatolic u say.... right, we'll do u know the history of ur own religion????

Do u know that the Catholics raped and killed and tortured EVERY1 who had a different idea about what Christianity was??

DO u realise that it was hundreds of years b4 any1 had the audacity too thranslate this fruad into the common languages....

That the cover up was complete and the deed had been done b4 there was and attempt too correct it.

Do u realise that this means whatever branch of "Christianity" u follow u are following the Catholic story....

A story written by open pedofiles and flagerent homosexuals???

Saying being a Protestant means ur not Catholic is like sayin "im not a Communist, cause the versoin of Moa's little red book we follow was translated into English. So it's not communism any more."

I doubt u have the balls not too delete this response.

Thank u 4 the entertaining diversion inbetween making giant paper hats:)
Bah Humbug too u good sir.

Mad as a Hatter,


Michael Homan said...

Tony, have you thought about writing a book? You've obviously worked out this whole theology question better than anyone since Pope Urban X. Good luck with the paper pirate hats, and thanks for keeping heterosexuality alive and well.

Michael Homan
Pirate & Artist
Chris Owens Club
"You tell, you die"

Lord David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lord David said...

Dear Michael;

I'm glad you can amuse yourself by repeating the same three misunderstood phrases over and over. I haven't been so entertained since third grade, where this was the norm. I'm glad to see that 'Bibell Skool" has learned you so good.

For the Record: You know nothing about the Skull Club, the artists & musicians from all over New Orleans who are members, or what we do here. You have certainly never been invited or offered a membership.
You don't know me, have never met me, and certainly have no clue what I do or with whom. Everything you have said is a childish lie, aimed at drawing attention to your crappy site, using my column, club and websites, art & muisc releases, all since your own life has such little meaning. Do you do anything besides hate & lie?
Oh, teach the Christian Way. I bet.

You're pissed off that someone stood up against your Superior Catholic Finger Pointing, and now you're telling outrageous lies to validate it.

You're a pathetic fake, hardly a scholar, and hiding behind your own private website, spewing hate because you have no life. How many paying members do YOU attract? I thought so...

Please sir, at the earliest opportunity, fuck off & die.

Finally, if you call yourself a pirate, meet me toe to toe and prove it. Let's see what you got.

If you call yourself an artist, put up or shut up. There are thousands of us here in New Orleans, struggling to make a living, to create something beautiful in a world full of ugly. To be associated with your moronic pap, self-involved hate of anything different, and general lack of creativity just besmirches us all.

Rot in Hell you mean, stupid, old, conservative asshole. The world will be a better place without you.

Lord David

Michael Homan said...

lord david the pirate artist
I accept your invitation and am honored to now be a full member of the skull club. See you at the secret burger king.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the point of your blog, all you are doing is pointing out faults in others who are at least trying to do something imaginitive and positive.
What exactly are you doing to help New Orleans? I hope you don't think it's your writing, anyone can pick fault in anything, when you look at everything and see only the negative you will find it and a Life full of it. Shut up and do something positive, you'll improve your life and the people around you. Happiness is our true nature, look for it and you could notice that too.

Anonymous said...

By the way, you really have to have a life, before you can lose it.

Michael Homan said...

OK anonymous, you seem to have it all together making the world a better place by leaving negative comments on a negative blog. Can you hook me up with a life?

Anonymous said...

Just back in port and saw the minutes. Bite me.

Cap'n Jack Sparrow