Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I Sometimes Go Off on Tangents

Conversation from the last day of class for a Prophets and Prophecy Course...

Me: It's a scientific fact that African Americans are more likely to spill drinks than white people. That's why you can't have drinks in the classroom here at Xavier, but at schools like Tulane and UNO it is OK. White people have millions of years of evolution where their Caucasian monkey ancestors held demitasse cups with their pinkies out and their white monkey hands steady.

Student: I think we should get to do whatever we want in this classroom. We're paying for it.

Me: If I can teach you one thing, it's that you can never do what you want, even with lots and lots of money. Take Senator Vitter for example. Even when he was dropping thousands of dollars at the Canal Street Brothel and the DC Mayflower hotel, there were still rules. Sure money got him over the diaper hurdle to feed his fetish, but there were still things that the prostitutes wouldn't let David Vitter do.

Student: Like have drinks in the room?

Me: Exactly! That red shag carpet is expensive, and stains at a whore house, well that's just tacky and bad for business.


oyster said...

Is it still possible to register for the fall semester, and take all your courses?

Sue said...

Damn, I've gotta change my evolution lectures. I had no idea about the drink thing!!

Anonymous said...

But Vitter, being white, posed little risk of spilling his drink on the red shag carpet. Maybe he wouldn't be allowed to drink in the room because he wanted there to be a rule to break. He wants more rules--to make rules, to break those same rules, to make more rules about not breaking rules. He prays to his Caucasian monkey ancestors every night for more rules.

Michael Homan said...

In Vitter's case, it's the diapers that reduce the risk of spilling. (I know that's gross by the way).


lord that was some funny.

get your self a cheap pair of electric shears at walgreens or wal-mart.

under 25 bucks and they last about two years.

Leigh C. said...

Actually, the fellow introducing Bobby Lounge this past Saturday noted that the only pol to pay for it has been Vitter.

He said nothing about Spitzer, but he did say the fellow who took Spitzer's place didn't pay for it.

If you've gotta pay for it, you haven't evolved, I guess.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, Malaka? Your life is a tangent.

Anonymous said...

Heard on my way to the car this afternoon:
"I got all 98s. I always do good in English. It's easy. Don't have to worry about that shit."