Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Ed Blakely Uncovers Secret Plot of White People

Amazingly, former New Orleans Recovery Czar Ed Blakely, who is not a Caucasian, has uncovered the secret ambition laid out in this city by me and my fellow pasty-skinned crackers. Says Blakely: "Now, the white community, there's blood in the water, and they can recapture the political apparatus and kind of put their foot back on black people's throats." That was clearly my motivation when I voted against Nagin and Jindal in recent elections, aspirations of ruining the lives of my students, friends, and neighbors. Blakely also announced that there is an upcoming race war to be waged in this city. Blakely hasn't discovered the details yet, but to all of my Caucasian readers: it's going to start Mardi Gras morning and will be led by the King of Rex, with the first strike to take out Zulu. The key will be to disarm the krewe of coconuts. I'd give you more details about the exact time of the race war, but as all Caucasians know, Zulu's parade is often late. And of course, please don't share this information with anyone who is non-Caucasian, the rule still being that 1/8 non-white equals non-Caucasian.

Two more things: Blakely said the city of New Orleans won't be around in 100 years. Speaking for all white people, as is my custom, I can assure you that's not a Caucasian plot. It might have something to do with the masons and/or Hubig's pies. Finally, when me and my multi-racial neighbors rebuilt our city block by block, house by house, and fought so hard to make the city a better place, Blakely summarizes our herculean efforts thusly: “New Orleanians expected someone else to do it [rebuild city] all along…. They never expected to do it themselves.” He took our money, a lot of it, and then says he never believed in our recovery. Can't such megalomaniacs just fade away to Ayer's Rock and keep their mouths shut? A dingo ate my blakely. I wish.

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