First, I keep hearing you talk about the U.S. government giving out more than 1 billion dollars to dead farmers. My father is a dead farmer. Could you give me more information so my siblings and I can tap in to this program? It sounds fantastic.
Second, you claim that your wife and your God have forgiven you. I know my marriage wouldn't survive if I had a history of committing adultery with prostitutes so I won't even ask you about that. But about your God, my God is less forgiving. How did you get your God to forgive you? Did you kill an Amalakite or an evil goat or something? Do tell.