Monday, April 14, 2008
An Open Letter to Chris Owens
Dear Chris Owens,
I saw you perform at the French Quarter Festival. Please stop. It makes me want to stop being a heterosexual.
Let me elaborate so we're clear. I have nothing against old people. Heck, I'm pretty old myself. You notice in the above picture that the average age of your audience was about 85. Even so, though, all of these octogenarians have the decency to stay inside when they put on lingerie and pretend to be riding a horse. Unlike me, though, this guy, a friend of mine, was excited to see you.
I should point out though that in addition to the hurricane in his right hand, he is holding at least three empty glasses in his other. I should also point out that he is NOT a heterosexual, and he thinks you are New Orleans' version of Cher. So as a compromise maybe you could limit your performances to nightclubs at Bourbon and St. Anne?
Thanks for your time Chris, and please keep wearing lots of makeup when in public.
Later note: OnMyList has a list of sexy women over the age of 50, and Chris ain't on it.