Alien Objects

Unlike malakas such as Adrastos, I have never had an anal probe. Well, that's not entirely true, as about 10 years ago a physician checked me for prostate cancer. I haven't been back to see a doctor since.

Aliens have been on my mind lately for a trinity of reasons.


First, the official Vatican astronomer said he thought aliens existed. Plus, they don't need redemption. How is it that we earthling Catholics have to bust our butts with confession and rosaries and all that kneeling, and be doomed to poverty by having 20 kids, but these aliens get to fly around in cool spaceships and shoot things with radar guns? It's far from fair.

Second, yesterday I received a letter from Alex LaPerchia, who writes that since the Vatican has brought aliens out of the closet, that Catholics should share their views on the topic. He then shares, among other things, the connection between discs of fire in the Book of Ezekiel and UFO's. He invited me, so I'll invite you, to watch a lecture he wrote with his wife on the topic. Go ahead and watch it, I dare you, it's called "Alien (Angel and Demon) and UFO Encounters with Mankind."



Third, aliens play a big role in the newest Indiana Jones movie. But these aren't the kind of aliens I heard about growing up in Nebraska, who turned cows inside out and abducted farmers to probe their alimentary canals. These Spielberg aliens live in the "space between space," like in that stupid movie Contact. These aliens know so much that our inferior brains explode and our eyes catch on fire when we get just a smidgen of their knowledge. This concept mirrors ancient descriptions of gods and their superiority to humans. Somehow modern aliens have taken over where ancient gods left off. But whether it's an ancient god or a modern ET, I won't let them touch me in the swimsuit area.