Legitimate Claims of Pessimism

They're calling this the "Summer of Oil." I'm confident about two very depressing things:

1. A hurricane is going to throw the oil in the Gulf onto the wetlands killing a large portion of it.

2. In 3 months BP America will go bankrupt. Few people with "legitimate claims" will get reimbursed. BP Global will prosper.

Sure hope I'm wrong, but being a super genius, I rarely am.

Your Logo Here: Barrier Islands for Sale

I've heard that the company hired in Dubai to create new islands shaped like palm trees is from Louisiana.

So let's bring them home and ask them to create barrier islands such as these. I'd even consider building a house on the bottom point of the question mark.

Sex and Oil and National Impotence

The first time I'd heard of the Minerals Management Service was two years ago. I read with interest that MMS employees engaged in sexual acts with oil company representatives. This intrigued me. As a Bible scholar who now and again dabbles in literary criticism, I'm well aware of the connection between water wells in literature and sexuality. Just about every time there is a well in the story, a wedding soon follows. Without going into too much detail, I'm willing here to focus on three words: round, wet, hole.

So with the MMS and oil industry added to the mix, we now could add words like oil, tap, and drill baby drill. In the past five weeks, ever since the rig exploded, I've included in my vocabulary blowout preventer, 21 inch pipe, spewing, gusher, and my favorite, the junk shot.

But it seems that while the United States can talk the talk, it can't walk the walk. Two articles in today's Times-Picayune caught my attention. The first was by John Tilove, and he argues that Americans are not only angry about the oil spill, but they also suffer from "wounded pride." We seem to believe that there is a really smart kid out there who can solve this problem but Obama and BP won't listen. As Professor Gstohl states in Geauxjira, "history shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man." The second is a column by Maureen Dowd who writes that the "plume of doom" is a "symbol of national impotence." We're told repeatedly that America is the best country on earth, but we can't plug a hole in the Gulf. This of course brings back memories of the flooding of New Orleans, another symbol of national impotence. I'm frankly tired of being involved with two monumental events in the past five years that are symbols of national impotence. So what will be this country's viagra? Probably a war as usual. Better get out my North Korea maps.

Geauxjira

Ladies and Gentlemen, with the oil leak now a month old, here is Geauxjira. Geauxjira is a brief homage to some famous scenes in Ishiro Honda's movie Gojira (1954), better known in English as Godzilla. Whereas Godzilla was created from nuclear explosions, Geauxjira is a giant crawfish spawned by leaking crude oil. On April 21st, 2010, the Deepwater Horizon oil rig exploded off the coast of Louisiana. Eleven people perished in the explosion. As we made our movie, thousands of barrels of oil leaked every day on the Gulf of Mexico's floor, causing the biggest environmental disaster in our lifetime. Moreover, we're terrified about the ramifications the oil will have on our economy and lives. In making a parody there is a danger of giving the impression that we find this calamity to be funny. In fact, the opposite is true. We're angry and frightened about the uncertain impact of this disaster. Here is the movie.

If you're interested, we'd invite you to do two simple things: first donate to the Friends of the Laffitte Corridor (http://folc-nola.org/), a non-profit organization designed to convert a rail line in the heart of New Orleans into a bike path. Second, try to reduce your oil consumption. We hope you enjoy our movie.

Making A Movie

I'm making a Godzilla movie. Want to be in it? We're shooting two crowd scenes near the Mardi Gras Fountain on Lakeshore Drive this Sunday, May 16th, at 2 PM.

Here's some background about the movie. It's called Geauxjira, and its a brief recreation of the famous Japanese Ishiro Honda movie Gojira (1954), better known as Godzilla in English. We're trying to copy a few key scenes. Godzilla was created from nuclear explosions. Our monster, Geauxjira, is a giant crawfish monster created by the BP oil disaster in the Gulf. He's very angry. In the end, Chef Who Dat concocts a special boom made from Hubig's pies, Drew Brees' hair, and crystal hot sauce, all encased in panty hose.

Scene One: people run in terror down the levee. This involves one scene with a close up of feet and a wider angle scene.

Scene Two: People in a line react in shock as the monster is destroyed. People remove their hats and put them over their hearts. Bring a hat if you have one. Disguises such as wigs and fake mustaches are good also. Camp is very good.

Using Cats to Save the Gulf

My friend Sue has a dilemma. She lives in Indiana with about 100 cats and she wants to stop the oil spill. She has heard that animal hair can be used to sop up the oil, but unlike dogs, cats don't like to get shaved. So I am asking all cat owners to send me their felines. I will attach them to my fishing poles and launch them into the oily water. After a few minutes I will reel in the cats, clean them off with soap, and then cast them back into the spill. My plan doesn't involve robotic submarines so there will not be government funding.

Mayday on May Day

Things are looking pretty grim in Louisiana. Our economy is based largely on oil and fishing. This time of year birds nest and fish spawn. Now oil has entered the fragile marshes and wetlands. The state has closed all commercial and recreational fishing east of the Mississippi River. The oil is a heavier and more damaging crude than was previously thought, and it's spewing out faster than earlier believed. A leaked classified document from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Emergency Ops starts off "The following is not public" and then goes on to speculate that if the pipe further deteriorates the current rate could multiply tenfold. At long last the government is losing patience with BP, who seemed to be flying solo for a week after the explosion. Sadly British Petroleum's exploration plan for the Deepwater Horizon well states that it was "unlikely that an accidental surface or subsurface oil spill would occur from the proposed activities." It also says that wildlife refuges and beaches were too far away to ever be effected by a spill. They were wrong.

Large numbers of people are now talking about the effects lasting years instead of months. Some, including me, fear it could be more like decades and generations. I hope I'm wrong. Plus it's May Day, a day celebrating workers. Fishermen are being economically forced to apply for clean up work from the same company, BP, who put them out of business and ruined their lives.

Robot Submarines & Oil-Sucking Domes

What an amazing world in which we live, at least according to the oil industry spokespeople. Here I was worried about the environmental impact of massive quantities of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico. Some sources said it's 1000 barrels a day, others say 7400 barrels. That's a difference of 268,800 gallons per day. Is that big? Frankly I'm surprised they don't have some sort of meter on the hole where the oil comes out. Maybe Home Depot can hook them up for the next time. But in any case, it doesn't even matter apparently. Technology will fix everything.

In this futuristic world in which we currently live, the first line of defense involves robot submarines that swim around deep in the gulf and try to flip a 450-ton valve at the wellhead to shut it off. Shockingly, that doesn't seem to be working, though there are reports of some whales swimming in the oil spill. Can't we train them to plug the leak? What about Shamu in Orlando? Can't we get freakin' Shamu to use an oil-plugging laser? Trained killer whales with lasers working in tandem with robot submarines. That will stop the leak for sure, if the giant Nazi squids don't sabotage the operation.

The second line of defense for the rare cases when robot subs don't work is a giant oil sucking underwater dome. Today I learned engineers are designing this very thing. True, such devices haven't been used in deep water before, and some estimate it will take a month to be built and arrive at the scene, but what a great idea. They could save some time by just using the roof of the Superdome to capture the oil. But please make sure to tell the whales and the robot submarines, as we wouldn't want them to get sucked up into the magic dome with all the oil.

Wednesday I predict we'll hear about rocket propelled fire sponges, followed by microscopic alloy space needles on Thursday. But then the message will change dramatically on Friday when the oil hits the Chandeleur Islands and pictures of pelicans covered in oil start making the internet rounds. But the best part of this futuristic tech world in which we live is that BP stocks will take a short-term hit but ultimately continue to grow dramatically in value. But for now, I'm praying for the robot subs.

Solar Panels in Sunny New Orleans (Part 2)

In January I posted that we had a 3.36 KW solar panel system installed. Though I've still not heard from the Feds or State of Louisiana about our 2009 tax rebates (we should get back about $20,ooo of our $26,225 investment), we have received two Entergy bills. I should point out early that this post is full of technical data and boring numbers so you should probably stop reading here unless you're thinking about installing panels. Here's the data:

Entergy Bill from February 17 to March 18, 2010

We used 785 kWh from Entergy (cf. 1063 kWh 2009 bill), and we sold back 219 kWh from electricity produced by the panels. Thus Entergy charged us for a net of 566 kWh which cost $16.78. Each kWh cost 2.96 cents.

Enphase, which I use to monitor my system, records that my panels produced 463.89 kWh of energy during this same period. So why is there such a discrepancy between the 463 that my system claims and Entergy's claim of only 219? Anthony Reis from Solar Works clarified that the difference comes from when we're at home in daylight hours and consuming electricity at the same time the panels are producing it. Thus the Entergy meter registers a much lower number.

Bottom line: Total Entergy bill (gas and electric) was $125.79, compared to $194.27 for same period in 2009. Savings = $68.48.

From March 18 to April 15, 2010

We used 770 kWh from Entergy (cf. 798 kWh 2009 bill), and we sold 259 kWh back, for a net of 511 kWh which cost $16.31. Each kWh cost 3.2 cents (notice the increase from last month, and thanks Entergy).

Enphase records that my panels produced 523.17 kWh.

Bottom line: Total Entergy bill was $90.69, compared to $124.23 for same period in 2009. Savings = $33.54

Analysis

It's way too early to accurately predict overall performance with just two months of data. But thus far we've saved an average of $51 per month. That means it would take 10 years for the system to pay for itself, a bit longer than the six years we predicted. However, we're entering the summer months when the panels will produce more electricity, and as electricity charges go up, so does the value of my system. Plus, it's not so precise to calculate the benefit of the solar panels by just comparing the Entergy bills, as they also include charges for gas, base rate charges, and charges being added on to Entergy New Orleans customers for "Emergency Storm Reserve Fund." So at this point, I'm happy about the panels. This is mostly because I'm paying Entergy less money than I would be without the panels. But also, with a giant oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico with 11 dead, and a mining explosion in W. Virginia with 29 dead, I'm reminded that there needs to be an increased focus on renewable energy.

"Truth Will Rise above Falsehood as Oil above Water"

Or so said Cervantes many years ago.

More recently, or five days to be exact, the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling rig tragically exploded in the Gulf of Mexico about 40 miles south of the coast of Louisiana. Sadly, 11 people died. During the first 48 hours after the explosion, we were told that we need not worry about the environment. We were told that the deep-water hole was spewing an estimated 13,000 gallons of crude oil per hour but it was nearly all burning, and it was heading away from the shore, according to Coast Guard Rear Admiral Mary Landry.

Yesterday the Coast Guard changed their minds and said that now they were concerned with the oil spill. Now we're told that as much as 1000 barrels (42,000 gallons) of oil is leaking each day. However, another source says it is 7,400 barrels per day. That's quite a big difference. The Coast Guard said they've identified a 20 mile square oil sheen about 40 miles off the coast, and it seems to be heading northeast towards the Mississippi/Alabama/Florida coast. I believe that in about five to seven days, when the oil hits the coast and we see all the dead fish and oil soaked birds, there will be international outrage. Fat men in bermuda shorts will yell at the cameras. But I don't think these companies are touchable legally.

Transocean, a Swiss company with holdings all over the world, hired BP Exploration which then leased the Deepwater Horizon rig. Good luck with that, and of course, drill baby drill.